02 March 2011

The Laws of Attraction

Will I find love?  Will it find me?  Will I want it when it appears?  Will I have children?  Will I get married?  Will I get divorced?  How do you know?  Ahhh... a day in the life of a 20-something.

There's been some buzz recently about the idea that men in their 20's aren't interested in love and commitment.  They say that women are succeeding, men aren't.  They say that women are ready for a "man" while men remain "boys."  Hmm.... what truth is there to all of this?

As someone who listens to many of the questions above over the course of a week or a month or a year, I have to say that I don't think there is much truth to it at all.  This is the question I ask and wonder about: what about LOVE?

I've often said that if I were to write a book about finding "the one" it would be called "Patience."  Because that's what it takes.  You just gotta live your life and wait.  Many people seem to expect to "know" that they have met the person of their dreams in less time than they would take to pick out eggs at the grocery store.

The journey to mateship takes time, careful consideration, and above all, it should not feel like a choice.

Here are the few dating rules I give to my clients who are seeking love:

1.  No sex for at least a month after you've met someone
2.  Give anyone you both like and feel comfortable around at least a few dates.
3.  If you feel bad about yourself when you are with someone, give them no dates.
3a.  If you have not fallen in love with someone within 3 months, seriously consider moving on.
3b."Falling in love" means that you know what that means and are not wondering if you are in love.

The right person will...

  • make you feel great about yourself without compliments, but with love and friendship
  • want to spend most of their time with you
  • want to involve you in their life
  • challenge you
  • interest you
  • adore you

Man or woman, boy or girl, that initial connection, that initial love, is vital.  Having a great job, buying a house, having a retirement fund, all of these things are nice.  But it is wanting to love better that turns us into adults.
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